lately, life has just felt heavy. i haven't found much joy in the christmas season, work and commuting have been tiring and busy, and there seems to be a significant amount of discord among coworkers, friends, and people with whom i interact. the news is depressing. people are selfish and inconsiderate. i see a good majority of the homeless population in charlotte when i pass urban ministries on my way to work every morning. liam cost me $270 at the vet yesterday. there seems to be one million things to do and just not enough time to do them.
i've found it hard lately to just let these things go and find joy in living. i feel weary when i think of the fact that there will always be bills, always be disagreements, always be bad days, always be endless to-do lists, always be sadness. as the girl who likes to make everyone happy, hates conflict and strives for harmony, it's exhausting to think that no matter how hard i try, there will always be people who don't like me or disagree with the way i do things.
i've always lived a blessed life without much hardship. i've never really grasped the concept that we have been made for another world, and that our longing to be complete comes from the need to be a part of that world, living together with our Savior. life here has just always seemed pretty great, even when it wasn't perfect. but lately, even without much "hardship" to speak of, i feel that i've seen and understood not just the brokenness of our world (which has always been pretty obvious), but my own brokenness as well. lately i understand and take intense comfort in the fact that i don't have to try to be perfect all the time because i never will be. and when i feel overwhelmed by this and the unfortunate circumstances that surround me, i feel myself relax when i realize that the only person who has overcome all of it, who was perfect, and who holds every individual and every hurt in the palm of His hand is walking right beside me and longs for me to give my hurts and frustrations to Him. this Christmas is the first one that i've fully grasped how huge it is that Christ came to this earth and what that means for us, for me. it means everything i see and experience, He did as well. and it means when i can't control or fix a situation, that He can do both and do it much better than i. it means that we will never walk alone and that the perfect, harmonious world we long for? we can actually live it someday. it means that all of the hurt and brokenness around me won't last forever. it means that no matter how heavy life seems here on earth, we don't have to bear the weight of it on our own. what a spectacular gift.
image via pinterest
1 comment:
exactly what i needed to hear!
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